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I was in the shower this morning taking care of my usual business: legs, pits, hair, feet…etc. As I was finishing a little thought fairy whispered in my ear, “wash behind your ears,” to which I dutifully complied. But I began to think to myself, what could possibly be growing behind the human ear that would cause generations of mothers to advise their children cleanse behind the ear? Surely nothing dangerous…right?

So I would like to perform an experiment. My hypothesis is that nothing bad can happen if I don’t wash behind my ears. I would test it by washing only behind my right ear and leaving my left ear untouched and exposed to what ever danger lies behind the wives tale. Each week, I would make Kerrie examine my ears, sniffing, dabbing and tugging to find some lurking hazard behind the left ear. After a couple months, something terrible should flourish.

This is what only what I would do, not what I will do–one should never mess with wives tales. And, to be honest, I’m too scared of what lies behind the unwashed ear.

I am opposed to shoplifting as much as the next guy. It’s extremely costly to retailers to the tune of 9.7 billion dollars a year (according to the National Retail Security Survey). More importantly, it’s painfully costly to us as consumers–in more ways than one.

I bought a new toy last week (a bike pump), which had all the desirable qualities of a toy: good price, high potential usage, sleek design. The only problem was that its packaging was the retail equivalent of Fort Knox. If Santa’s Elves packaged Christmas presents with the same kind of security used on this pump, little children across the world would weep.

I was in such a rush to open this pump, because I wanted to get some exercise on my bike. (I know, it’s paradoxical: me…hurrying…to exercise.) So I pulled out a steak knife to cut the iron shackles off the bike pump and proceeded to cut my finger to the bone. What’s worse, the pump was still soundly stuck in its “protective” packaging. So, instead of a nice bike ride to get my exercise, I drove my finger to the hospital to get it sewed up. On the bright side, I didn’t have to get any stitches because they used this new technology called “sutcher tape” and a splint to fix it up. Now, as I slowly type, it looks like I am flipping off the screen with my splinted middle finger, which is not true–I am flipping off the people who packaged my bike pump.

The packaging used to prevent billions of dollars of shoplifting nearly cost me a digit. I guess I should use scissors next time…

Sometimes, I go into the grocery store and I am forced to ask myself: “Who buys their patio furniture here?”

Rise and Shout the … Tarheels are out. Ok, I don’t know the fight song yet and I can’t do the chants, but I am a loyal Tarheel fan. If you saw the UNC game tonight on ESPN, you saw UNC come back and pull ahead of a scrappy Dook team. It was AWESOME!! We had barbequed meat (Carolina style, with vinegar BBQ sauce), bratwursts and coleslaw…so I was stuffed while I was screaming at the refs

I can’t wait for them to play here at the Dean Dome. Hopefully, I’ll get to be a part of this:

Kerrie and I were driving last week and we drove by this place where they were fixing a curb to allow for wheels, carts, etc. Several times we had walked up to that curb with Allie in the stroller and had to lift her up to keep going. So it’s nice that it is going to get fixed. It reminded me of how much I love those curbs…

…because, as a kid with a bike, every curb is a jump. In fact, everything is a jump as long as you had a piece of plywood. There is probably less junk in the world that I haven’t jumped than that I have. Some of the crazy things I remember jumping are old tires, tree stumps, car ramps, and car parts. Of course, just because I jumped, didn’t mean that I landed. Life wasn’t normal without scabs on my knees and elbows to pick at.

Unlike all of Hollywood and most of the people on Oprah, I had a pretty good childhood. I played a ton and I have great memories of time well spent making nothing into something.

Sometimes, I really enjoy thinking back on life as a kid, because everyday was a small adventure, regardless of how boring the day was: Trees to climb, fish to catch, and football in the front yard. Somehow, I need to learn to see the monotony and challenges of my life now like I did then–everything is a jump.

(Please pardon the cheese…I seriously considered deleting this poetic waxing…but Kerrie insisted that it stayed)

“Overrated,” was chanted loud and clear by Tar Heel fans, including Jake, at the beginning and end of the UNC (#5) vs. Ohio State (#1) basketball game last Wednesday. And it was true–the Buckeyes came out defeated. It was a phenomenal game that Jake claims was one of the top 5 best athletic events he has ever been too.

Jake really wanted to write about the UNC vs. Ohio State basketball game but he has been so busy with finals coming up that I decided to do it for him. He took his buddy Derrald to the game. I would have loved to have gone but you have to be a student to get in free or else pay $40–not worth it to me. Anyway, because of the amazing tickets Jake had (he was fourth row under the ‘Heels hoop) he had to wait in line standing up for 3 hours before the game started or he would lose his seating. Actually, I shouldn’t say seating, because there are NO seats in the “risers” of the student section, just steps. So he stood the entire game too, except for half time when he was able to sit on the ground. The game was exciting (even for me watching it home alone on TV) and I doubt he would have sat even if he did have a chair. Ohio State played well in the first half and we weren’t sure if UNC would pull it off. UNC stepped it up in the second half and dominated. Carolina won, 98-89. Jake came home with a hoarse voice and excitement in his eyes. The game ended at 11:20PM and he didn’t fall asleep until 2AM because of all the adrenalin. I wish I could give details of the game but I’m not too savvy when it comes to basketball commentating. So if you’re interested, read up on the game online or give Jake a buzz to get the details. We are quickly becoming big Tar Heel fans, but don’t worry, we’ll always be Cougar fans at heart.

Jake also went to the UNC-Kentucky game on Saturday, which boasted the two winningest programs in college basketball history. UNC won again, but Jake said that, after the Ohio State upset, it wasn’t that entertaining. As a side note, the UNC Women’s Soccer team won its 18th National Championship (out of only 25 years of existence) on Sunday. It is so nice to be at a school with such a winning tradition in sports. Go Tar Heels!!

I am becoming more and more convinced that the things we use to solve our problems actually cause those problems in the first place. Take for example: dandruff shampoo. Before I started using dandruff shampoo, I don’t think that my dandruff was that bad. Now that I have had a multi-year addiction to the shampoo, I can’t stop using it. If I go off the stuff for a week, my head itches to the point of insanity. (Note: I promise I still use shampoo during those off weeks, it’s just the yummy smelling stuff that Kerrie uses). This, to me, is evidence that the producers of all dandruff shampoo have the ultimate product: one that solves a problem that it causes.

Don’t believe me? Ask anyone who has used chapstick for more than one day. For some reason, their lips continue to dry out and chap. Their only solution? The soothing salve of repeated application of chapstick. Chapstick is gem of a product: it causes chapped lips to feel better and then causes them to be more chapped. It’s a vicious cycle.

Some other products whose consumption may exacerbate the initial problem:

Pepsi: it might just make me thirstier.

Orange Juice: makes me clear my throat by taking another drink

Shaving Cream: causes my beard to grow faster

Gum: the minty flavor dwindles within 15 minutes…and the bad breath I thought I’d covered comes back with vengeance, until I pop another stick of gum in.

You see how this works? Cures cause addictions, which need curing, cures cause addictions, which need curing, cures cause addictions, which need curing, cures cause addictions, which need curing, cures cause addictions, ………… which need to stop.

Well, it sounds like the jury is still out on whether you like the beard or not. Actually, it seems like the jury is separated by gender. The men tend to side with me…that a man should be a MAN and shave when and if he pleases. The lady-folk like the smooth man, who is ready for church seven days a week. I guess there is something to being presentable, clean and youthful. But let’s be honest brethren–for YEARS we couldn’t wait until we hit puberty. Nothing was more awkward than gym class in eighth grade…I vividly and fondly remember the day I discovered a pair of hairs in my left armpit. It was a life-changing event. The conclusion to my rant is this: facial hair makes me feel manly, shaving makes me feel like a seventh grader.

Interestingly, what Kerrie dislikes is not the look of the beard/goatee, but the feel of it. To her, kissing my hairy face is like kissing the neck of a mule. A mere peck will suffice, but anything more would be disgusting and possibly leave marks. Herein lies the motivation! If I want a friendly, wifely kiss, I must shave. So, of course, I will shave.

So where are the women that like hairy chests, legs, and butts? They died with the women’s movement. The relation between a man’s strength and a women’s is inverse: as a women gets stronger, her man gets weaker. And hence, men with earrings, shaved legs and tanning beds. Where did it all start? With the invent of the razor, which was begat around the time that women’s lib revealed its sharp, painted nails.

So, fine…I’ll shave. But, ladies, don’t complain when you’re forced to lie in the bed that you made…next to the wussie man you’ve created.

Note: this is all in jest…please don’t sue me, yell at me, or spam me. That said, let’s hear your remarks.

Jake wrote a blog about his beard a couple of weeks ago but never posted it because we couldn’t get his picture to upload. I still can’t get the picture to upload so I decided to do a slideshow. Anyway, since the move to NC, Jake had been growing a beard…until Monday. I’m not a huge fan of beards, which is the only reason he shaved it (thanks hon). Once it was gone he immediately missed it and he will probably be growing out another beard soon; or at least a goatee. Don’t be surprised if he comes back to Utah for Christmas looking like Santa Claus. Let us know what you think. Beard or no beard?

Here’s the beard a couple weeks before he shaved:
Mug Shots

Hey all,

Just thought I’d let you know that I’m here. Kerrie and Allie are flying in tonight. Greg drove across the country with me–it was such a fun trip!

So far, here’s what we know:

UNC is gorgeous!

Our apartment is 100 times nicer than our last one

It’s HUMID out here!

I’m in for a tough few of years

There’s a ton more to say and I promise we’ll get to it soon. For now, we’re just trying to get our stuff unloaded, our apartment set up and our life organized again. Until then…